Emotional challenges in care-giving are common. Learn how to navigate this sensitive topic with care and empathy.
* The decision to place an elderly parent into a care home or assisted living situation is never easy. Emotional issues and anxieties are bound to arise for both your parent and you, along with a level of stress you might not have expected.
* Your parent might not even want to go into a care home. Despite obvious and practical reasons – managing a household has become more than your parent can manage, his or her quality of life has deteriorated – your parent might still oppose moving. Resistance typically springs from several emotions, including sadness over leaving a home and memories, denial of the ageing process, dread of loneliness, and fear of losing independence.
* It is important to understand that much of what your parent says is directed at the situation, not at you. This can help you to be patient and resist getting involved into no-win arguments. Your parent actually needs reassurance they are loved at this time, so whether it’s a simple hug, or doing or saying something to let them know you love them.
* Moving a parent into care can also cause many feelings connected to past issues to rear their heads. If you’ve had a difficult relationship with your parent, you may also feel remorse that your relationship was never what you hoped it would be. At the same time, you may resent being responsible for a parent who didn’t nurture you.
* Then there is the guilt… you might start doubting your own decision to place your parent into a care home. Adult children often feel they are letting the parent down if they don’t care for them at home. But it’s likely you’ve tried home care, if it is a viable option, and found it created stress or wasn’t the right thing for your parent or the rest of your family. Remind yourself that you are acting in the interests of all concerned.
Some Positive Steps to Take When Deciding to Place Your Parent in Care.
– A number of treatable physical conditions, including dehydration and thyroid problems, can create symptoms that suggest dementia, and psychological problems like depression are often under-diagnosed in the elderly. Make sure you know what’s going on with you parent so that you can make the decision that best suits his or her needs.
– Listen … And then Listen Some More. Listening goes a long way to soothe fears and anxieties your parent might have to make. Don’t dismiss fears or concerns as petty or illogical, but assure your parent that you are listening.
– Listen to your children’s fears as they might be experiencing anxiety of their own as their grandparents become more frail.
– Try to find a place that will suit your parents, as they are the ones who will be living there. For example, if your parent enjoyed gardening and the outdoors, you might give extra consideration to a facility with attractive grounds and interesting walking paths even if another one is bigger and cleaner in your eyes.
– When our parents’ generation thinks of a care facility, they usually picture an old-fashioned nursing home where they are treated like a child. If your parent can tour facilities with you, seeing that this is no longer the case and that independent living is now possible within a care situation, it will decrease anxiety. Point out different features and help your parent assess which ones might be most important to them.
– Gather brochures for them to look through if they are not able to physically go to the facilities and let them look at them online.
– It is possible to have a Home Care worker still visit them in an independent-living facility and ER Home Care provides these services.
